Costa-isms

I've been in Costa Rica for a month and a half now, and there are some things here that still shock me.  Let's call them "Costa-isms".

Costa-isms #1: Dawning
Every morning when I get up, my host mom greets me with the question "Cómo amaneció?" which translates literally as "how did you dawn?".  The fact that this happens in the morning is just bad luck.  Not only am I half awake, not thinking in Spanish, and annoyed that my pillow is so flat, but I have to somehow process a verb that does not exist in English.  My answer to this question is, invariably "bien" after which I retreat to the bathroom.  My poor host mom has no idea that her morning routine messes with my head so much.

Costa-isms #2: Bulbous-Poodle-Things
There is a certain kind of dog that is very popular here.  I see them everywhere.  They look like white poodles but they are smaller and seem to come in a variety of styles that range from "Vaguely Dog Shaped" to "That Might Be An Insect".  I guess they like these dogs because they don't shed.  My host family has three of them, all different kinds.  One is a "Particularly Stubby Bulbous-Poodle-Thing" that never stops wheezing and can't get on the couch without help.  Another is a "Long-Legged Bulbous-Poodle-Thing" that likes to steal my spot on the couch when I get up to get something.  The last one is a "Dirty And Possibly Blind Bulbous-Poodle-Thing" that isn't allowed inside (hence the dirtiness) for reasons best known to no one.

Costa-isms #3: Scented Toilet Paper
I don't know why, but all the TP is scented here.  Why is this desirable?  What effect are you trying to achieve?  Beats me.  The scentedness means that the bathrooms all have this weird, perfumey smell that for some reason makes me very angry.  It's kind of dumb, actually.  I walk into the bathroom, take a breath, and instantly hate everything that is Costa Rica.  This isn't helped by the fact that Costa Ricans also really like Automatic Toilet Cleaning Devices.  There are three different kinds of these in the toilet at my host family's house (one in the tank, one liquid-filled basket in the bowl, and one stick-on gel thing in the bowl) so the water is always blue.  I hate blue toilet water.  I have no idea why, but the combination of scented TP and blue toilet water is the essence of everything that is wrong with the world.

(While I'm dancing around the subject, the sink in the bathroom at my host family's house has developed a leak.  Rather than fix the dripping faucet, my host mom elected to put a bowl in the sink to catch the water.  Uh... it's a sink.  It's kind of designed to have water in it.  I think she might be focusing on the wrong problem here.  Nothing bad is going to happen if the sink is wet - it's supposed to be wet. That bowl serves no purpose, and is therefore ludicrous.)

Costa-isms #4: The Oxford Comma Does Not Exist
Let's talk about the Oxford Comma for a second.  When compiling a list within the context of a sentence, each individual item on the list is separated from the previous item by a comma.  Unless, that is, you randomly decide to omit the last comma.  That comma is important.  It is the Oxford Comma.  Consider this sentence: "I partied with the strippers, Obama and Biden" that is a sentence which does not have an Oxford Comma.  The implication of this sentence is that Obama and Biden ARE the strippers.  It's like saying "I had lunch with my cousins, Bella and Caden".  Bella and Caden are the cousins.  Because Obama and Biden are not (known to be) strippers, the correct sentence MUST read "I parties with the strippers, Obama, and Biden" meaning that both politicians and some loose women were in attendance.  The Oxford Comma is important.  It does not exist in Latin America.  I have been marked down on every essay that I have written because I refuse to omit this comma.  It's time to liberate the punctuation, people!

Costa-isms #5: What is this Water You Speak of?
Apparently you just don't drink water in Costa.  I have no idea why, but plain water is not an option.  Anything you drink must have some kind of powdered mix in it, or else be blended with fruit.  Asking for a glass of water in a restaurant is like asking for tacos at McDonald's.  Such a thing simply doesn't exist.

Costa-isms #6: There are Nine Ingredients
All authentic Costa Rican dishes are composed of some combination of the following ingredients: rice, beans, chicken, plantains, eggs, yucca, tomatoes, bread/tortillas, and white cheese.  Now you can do a lot with those nine ingredients, but there are pretty much no other options with which to cook.  Some friends of mine tried to bake cookies and their families were shocked that it was possible to make your own cookies (not least because Ticos don't use ovens for anything ever).  Occasionally there will be a wild card thrown in.  Last night we had spaghetti, so the noodles were an additional ingredient.  But even with that dish the cook used noodles, tomatoes, white cheese, chicken, and bread.  There really isn't that much variety.

Costa-isms #7: Pedestrians Are Prey
Sidewalks do exist here, but no one uses them.  People just stroll blithely down the middle of the street and dodge out of the way if a car comes.  And you do have to dodge because the cars will not stop, slow down, or even swerve to miss a pedestrian.  Crossing the street is like a live-action version of "Frogger" (my friends get mad at me when I hum the theme at intersections).  This lack of respect for pedestrian right-of-way is worse if you happen to be both white and female.  Drivers will have the audacity of almost killing you and then wolf-whistling out their window at your white legs as they speed away.  Is this supposed to make me forgive them?  Like if a driver objectifies me after trying to use me as a hood ornament then I will forgive him?  Ya'll are wrong, Ticos.